Homework

The other day, I decided to do my Science homework. It has been waiting for me in my book bag since the start of Thanksgiving break and was due, like, yesterday, but I decided to do it the evening before it was due anyway. Because I'm lazy like that.

Because I always plan to do my work when I get back from school or something, but I always end up getting distracted by something else, something more important like, you know, Tumblr or FanFiction or the activity of just googling random celebrities and reading made up dirt on them on gossip blogs. Mostly Tumblr. (Wait for the "I hope senpai notices me" jokes to roll in.) Whatever it is, I just always feel like there's more important things to do than complete 20 pages of interactive textbook on  electromagnetic waves. And I also live by the idea that it is physically impossible for my homework NOT to be done at least five seconds before turn-in time. It will be done, somehow, and it always is. And if it isn't done, the turn-in date is automatically announced to be moved another day by the teacher. Poof. Just like that.

Anyway, I still decided to be a noble human being and do my homework that Thursday night. Unfortunately, it was almost cut off completely, but after a shower and dinner and an hour on Tumblr spent for no  beneficial reason what-so-ever I actually managed to force my butt to sit on a chair that isn't positioned so I can see a computer screen. Then I realized: I just sat on a chair. I kept sitting, waiting for myself to summon the strength to get up and actually drag my book bag next to me or at least reposition the interactive textbook and my trusty pencil case on the desk in front of me. Sadly, I don't have the ability to levitate, I can barely use my brain to remember NOT to use hand soap instead of face cleansing gel in the morning, or in the evening, now that I think about it. I can't even convince my sister to get off my favorite couch whenever I feel like watching cartoons and eating veggie straws. And we Arieses are supposed to be stubborn!

My equipment, however, lay in front of me after a few minutes and a short walk. And then I FINALLY started doing my homework. And everything was going just swell until I ran into an obstacle that would probably prevent me from reaching my goal. You wanna know what the obstacle was? A goddamn picture of a goddamn firefly. A FIREFLY. And you're sitting there cozy in your seat, thinking "What's so scary about a silly firefly?" And I'm replying in a British accent: "I DON'T EFFING KNOW".

And it's not even a real firefly, it's a picture. A PICTURE of a firefly. And yeah, I'm scared of insects no matter how they are represented or how unharmful they really are. Just taking a glance at a picture makes me imagine stupid fireflies all around, staring at me with those shiny little googly eyes in complete  malevolence. Wanting to kill me. Someway, somehow. After all, every living creature, no matter how unharmful, is capable of harming. A cute lil' kitten? It can scratch your eyes out with its teeny tiny claws. A tiny cricket? It can mute your hearing with its awful crickety cricket noises. God, I hate crickets. I do love kittens, though, but they are still life-threatening if you are enough of a nut to believe.

What do you mean I sound like the guy from "Tell Tale Heart"? I'm not crazy. I'm extremely sorry if I creeped you out or anything.

Back to my rambling. And I promise I will be less creepy, if that is possible. Anyway, as I stated before, I have an extreme phobia of insects. Photos or realistic drawings of them also apply, no matter how silly it may sound. And that's just me, and there's no way to escape it (I'm talking to you, mother). And, currently, this phobia was keeping me from doing my homework.

And I started panicking, because there was no chance I could finish it now, at 10 PM when I usually feel like I'm high on something when I'm not, and there was no chance I could finish it tomorrow in time for class. The facts hit me like a ton of bricks, and the sudden guilt of being a deadbeat and waiting for the last minute began filling my stomach, making me feel more and more sick. At the same time, the joy-sucking wails of my 5-year-old brother coming from across the hall kept filling in the fear-induced silence and didn't really help in killing the feeling of nausea inside my stomach, which kept grabbing my insides and tossing them around in celebration. I just kept standing there, letting it all destroy me. But it was good somehow. It was better than confronting the firefly. Anything was better than confronting the firefly. And I couldn't help but imagine how much satisfaction I am providing to the firefly. He is happy. He is currently destroying the healthy mind of an innocent thirteen-year-old. And she was letting him do this. She was giving in. Because she had no choice but to stand there, in the middle of her bedroom, while experiencing mental knock-out. She cannot do anything else because she is scared. She is scared of a photo of a firefly in a Science textbook.

Why is she scared? The photo doesn't present any threat. The photo isn't animate. The photo cannot harm her. But she is too afraid to even touch it because it produces animations, horrible animations in her mind. And she cannot help but being the vivid daydreamer she is and imagining the animations play out in front of her. And she cannot run out in screaming terror; where's the dignity in that?! She has to face the image, but she can't. Why? Is it really life-threatening? Is it really as scary as she thinks it is? Is she really afraid of a picture of a firefly? Or is she really afraid of her own mind?